Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
