I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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