Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
