I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize