i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
