I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
