if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
