I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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