omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
