Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
40s are totally the cure
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
