btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
