Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
