Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
