Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
