Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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