OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
