God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
