we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
