Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
