Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
