come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
