I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
