hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize