I wish my penis had an off switch
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize