I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
