Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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