Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
