I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
