dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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