She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
