I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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