Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
