If i come over, it means nothing
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
