So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize