Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
