Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
