i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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