That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Even my vagina gasped.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
