I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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