i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
