U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
