i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
