His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize