I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
