then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
