I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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