the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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