I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
