My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
