I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
