i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
