I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
