Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize