Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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