names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
