Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
