bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
