giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
