i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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