he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
