I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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