I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
