Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She bit a glass in half.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
