So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
