she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
vagina is talking i cant
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
