I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
