Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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