Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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