I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
