I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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