The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
