I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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