I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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