Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
