I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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