It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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