so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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