Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
