The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
