i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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