Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize