I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
