someone get that fucking seahorse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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