from now on my penis is your penis
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
