is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
