i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
