i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
