Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
