Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
True college students do jello shots in the library
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