i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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