Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
