I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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