I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize