My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
